How Smoking Impacts the Family Jewels . Once upon a time, I was a young whippersnapper enraptured by the mystique of smoking. Before I knew it, I was a full-blown chimney sucking down a pack a day. Flash forward years later – I’m now an elder statesman looking back on my tussle with the dreaded smoking monster.
This ain’t no tale about how those disturbing PSAs finally got to me. Nah, I just got tired of that bloodsucking beast draining my wallet! So one day I told the smoking chimney monster exactly where it could shove those fancy schmancy cigarettes.
My Breakup with Smoky the Dragon
Giving cigarette breath the boot was like ditching a high maintenance girlfriend. A gradual, relatively peaceful parting with a few hiccups but no major explosions, breakups or makeups. I’d get the occasional yen for a puff, but I kept busy and soon relished simple pleasures like food tasting good again.
The Smoking Chimney Monster and the Family Jewels
Here’s the nitty gritty on exactly how that blasted chimney monster messes with a chap’s knackers and bedroom antics. Take heed lads…this is grim stuff.
Burnt Bangers and Diminished Desire
If you tell me you’ve been smokin’ poles since your formative years, I wouldn’t be shocked if your own pole ain’t a pole no more. Smoking hits pause on the jewels’ development. Non-smokers end up longer rifles on average. Science proves it lads. Smoking also mucks up blood flow, leaving your soldier limp in battle.
A 2010 study showed blokes who smoke had 50% more episodes of Little Richard not answering the door when opportunity knocked, if you catch my drift. This tragic epidemic happens because smoke narrows the veins and reduces blood flow to Big Ben.
Smoking also decimates testosterone and nitric oxide levels critical to your ding-a-ling’s discipline. In simple terms – you can’t lead the regimental parade properly without these vital supplies chaps!
Infertility and the Evil Chimney Monster
Here’s the scariest part lads. Studies show smoking severely impacts the chances of chopper chops chopping your partner’s eggs successfully. It knackers sperm mobility and quality at the genetic level. This signifies nothing less than a threat to entire Barton bloodlines!
Wave the White Flag
Listen here lads – you must surrender and retreat from this fight. Put down your smoking weapons immediately, for the battle can be won! Your virility and vitality shall return in triumph upon declaring ceasefire.
Within one smoke-free year, most chaps charge back to full-on frontline action stations. You’ll also breathe, eat and sleep better. Apps help track progress and share tales of salvation after ridding your days of smoky shrapnel.
Take it from an old soldier who faced the chimney dragon long ago. I assure you bending the knee to light up again serves no purpose. Break free and reclaim dominion over your kingdom lads! God save the Barton jewels from further peril.
Frequently Asked Questions About Outmaneuvering Smoky the Dragon
How long post-smoking till trouser improvement commences?
Benefits materialize in 1-2 months, peak performance capacity restores within 5-10 years smokeless.
Does Smoking cause permanent damage down below?
Possibly, with long-term heavy smoking. But many lads reconstitute fine form upon smoking cessation.
Are vapes / e-fags safer?
Negative! Those mechanical beasts unleash similar turmoil on one’s regiment and bind you in lifelong service to Lord Nicotine.
Does Lady Smoky torment the fairer sex too?
Quite! Lady Smoky ambushes fertility and sensual functions regardless of gender or rank!
If I retreat, will weight increase spoil my victory?
Some poundage gains post-battle are common. But fear not – best the minor hindrance than lifelong service to the smoking chimney dragon!
Might medications help resume the march?
Affirmative! Consult the medics upon ceasing smoke. Supplementary pills may ease withdrawal, support blood flow and enhance performance.
Amazon SupplementsTo Conclude
After I kicked my smoking habit, I suddenly had loads more free time and energy. So one day whilst bored, I decided to google smoking porn just for laughs. Well let me tell you lads, some wild images popped up that cannot be unseen! I swiftly clicked away and made a mental note to avoid anything smoking-related from that point onwards. The next weekend, my mates dragged me out to some new gastropub called Smoking Goat that’s meant to have killer menu. I hesitated at first, but turns out they just have a funny name and don’t allow actual smoking inside. The food and drinks were top notch. Later my auntie got me a trendy smoking jacket for my birthday. Had to politely explain I don’t smoke anymore but appreciated the gift all the same. So in summary chaps, steering clear of smoking helps avoid questionable Google searches, discover new eateries, and accumulate quirky pressies from loved ones who mean well .
Stand vigilant against seductive smoking tricks intent on compromising your vitality! Guard your Barton heritage and claim the ultimate prize – improved health and many happy battlefield campaigns to come! Tally ho!
