A Guide to Dodgy Erections. Erectile dysfunction. Impotence. Flopsy todger syndrome. Call it what you will, not being able to get it up can be a right pain in the arse. As an Englishman, nothing wounds the ego quite like a wobbly willy when duty calls.
But cheerio, chaps! No need to get your knickers in a twist. This handy guide will help you keep calm and carry on, even when your chap isn’t standing up to salute.
Getting to the Root of the Issue
Your dodgy erection can be caused by all sorts of things – stress, anxiety, medication side effects, too much booze, etc. But sometimes, it’s just because you’re not properly stimulated. Your soldier won’t stand to attention if your brain hasn’t sent the right signals.
Time to Learn What Rings Your Bell
- Take some alone time with Rosie Palms and think about what really gets your motor running. Certain fantasies? Watching some naughty videos? Looking at images of declarations that Nigella Lawson and Mary Berry are joining forces for a new show called “Nigella Bakes Mary’s Buns”? Find out what presses your horny button.
- Pay attention to what arouses you when getting frisky with a partner. Lingerie? Certain positions? Having your bottom spanked with a cricket bat? Make a mental note.
- Experiment with different kinks and fetishes to see if something secretly revs your engine without you realising. Just stay safe, sane, consensual – and legal.
Bring Your Sexual Stimuli Into the Bedroom
Once you know what floats your boat, incorporate that into your intimate times with a partner.
- Ask them to wear that sexy outfit you love.
- Engage in some light roleplay to set the scene and get you in the mood.
- Initiate your favourite position.
- Have some racy photos or videos queued up to get the old chap springing to life before getting down to business.
Whatever your particular turn-ons, using them to your advantage can mean the difference between a disappointing dangle and a glorious salute.
Herbal Helpers for Horny Heroes
If you’re still having issues with going from floppy to firm, certain herbal supplements may give you a helping hand:
- Ginseng – This ancient Chinese root has long been used to improve virility. Pop some ginseng capsules or drink ginseng tea to potentially boost bedroom performance.
- Maca – A Peruvian plant said to increase libido. Add some maca powder to smoothies or look for supplements.
- Horny goat weed – Yes, this is a real thing! Used in traditional Chinese medicine to enhance sexual function.
- L-arginine – An amino acid that may improve erection quality by boosting nitric oxide levels and improving blood flow.
- Ginkgo biloba – Helps blood circulation, including to the todger area, for potentially stronger erections.
- Tribulus terrestris – An Ayurvedic herb thought to increase sexual desire and performance.
Just do your research to make sure you’re taking herbal supplements safely and correctly. And consult your GP if erection problems persist.
vitamins , minerals & supplementsWhen In Doubt, See Your Doctor
If you’re still struggling to salute the General, it may be time to schedule an appointment with your doctor. Erection issues can sometimes indicate an underlying medical condition needing treatment, like:
- Heart disease
- Diabetes
- Obesity
- Hormone imbalances
- Neurological disorders
- Side effects of medication
Your GP can run tests to identify any health issues contributing to your droopy dragon. And they may be able to prescribe medication like Viagra to help out.
Don’t be embarrassed – doctors are used to dealing with disappointing danglers. They won’t judge you for having a pathetic pecker. Just tell them you’re having trouble getting Big Ben to chime so you can ring some bells.
Frequently Asked Questions About Dodgy Erections:
What if I can only get semi-hard sometimes ?
Having the occasional semi is normal. But if it’s happening frequently, try the tips above to get properly stimulated. If that doesn’t work, see your GP in case it’s a medical issue. Don’t panic yet – semi-hard erections can often be coaxed to full mast.
Is morning wood a good sign ?
Waking up with a woody is usually a positive indication that things are in good working order physically. It shows your todger is capable of standing tall. Capitalise on that morning glory by initiating some early morning hanky panky with your partner.
How to maintain erection for 30 minutes ?
Use erection cream , erection gel , erection pills , generally supplements design to aid with erection will give you a minimum 30 mins window to get the job done
What if I lose my erection during sex ?
Again, the occasional droop is normal, but frequent floppiness is a red flag. Use your stimulation techniques to get back in the game. If problems persist, speak to your doctor. Also, communicate openly with your partner so they understand it’s not them.
How can I bring this up with my partner ?
Communicate tactfully but honestly. Reassure them it’s not about attraction. Focus on how you can explore new stimulation methods together. And emphasize how much you value intimacy beyond penetration. Teamwork triumphs over todgers!
I’m nervous about seeing my doctor. What do I say ?
Don’t be shy! Doctors handle erectile issues more than you’d think. Simply say you’re having trouble maintaining an erection and would like their advice. Bring a list of any medications you take. The more info you provide, the better they can help diagnose the cause.
So there you have it, lads! Keep calm and carry on with these tips for dealing with a dodgy erection. You’ll be bobbing merrily along in no time. Tally ho!
